Alyssa Milano writes

Here’s something to add to your reading list:

Alyssa Milano is in love; she has been for some time. But the object of her affection isn’t the subject of tabloid gossip or an actor; in fact, it isn’t even a guy. It’s a game, a game of nine innings that uses a ball made of leather and cork. A game called baseball.

Now in Safe at Home, Alyssa Milano, the mind behind the bestselling sports-clothing line Touch, tells the story about her lifelong obsession with baseball, revealing what the game has meant to her and why everyone should take a chance on nine innings. Like it does for so many of us, Alyssa’s baseball story begins with a father. A native Brooklynite who scorned the Dodgers for abandoning the city he loved, her father was reunited with the team when he and his young daughter moved out west for a fledging TV show called Who’s the Boss. It was then that Alyssa learned one of the fundamental truths of the game: No matter where you are, no matter how old you are, baseball connects you to your past.

If I’m counsel for the Yankees or the Giants, I read this book closely, because it may very well contain an explanation as to how Pavano and Zito got totally wrecked. Maybe they can sue Milano for damages or something. I’m available for that deposition, by the way.

(thanks to Mark Armour, whose books aren’t nearly as sexy as this one will be, for the heads up)

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  1. MooseinOhio said...

    If Craig’s theory about Alyssa being associated with the injuries that affected Pavano and Zito is valid I suspect both men may occasionally sing, hum or whistle John Mellencamp’s “Hurts So GOod”.

  2. Beanster said...

    I don’t believe the Alyssa Effect has received sufficient attention by the statistical community.  I took a closer look at the data based on dating information provided by this site:

    While only 3 of her 26 documented relationships are major league starting pitchers, I think the results are interesting and reasonably predictive in the event she reneges on her 2008 pledge to swear off dating baseball players.

    Exhibit A: Carl Pavano (2003)
    During their 2003 relationship, Pavano made 33 starts and posting 12 wins with a 4.30 ERA (33/12/4.30).  In 2004 after their breakup he improved dramatically to (31/18/3.00).  However this euphoria proved short lived, as Yankee fans can attest, and he regressed in 2005 to (17/4/4.77).

    Exhibit B: Barry Zito (2004-05)
    Zito’s dating numbers averaged (34.5/12.5/4.53), remarkably similar to Pavano’s.  After the breakup he also improved in 2006 to (34/16/3.83), nearly as big an improvement as Pavano’s.  What happened the year after?  You guessed it, regression to (33/11/4.53).

    Exhibit C: Brad Penny (2006)
    Penny’s dating year of 2006 was also an unspectacular (29/7/3.90).  He then experienced what I am now terming the Milano Bounce with a nice (33/16/4.33) and continued this into 2008 with a (33/16/3.03).  Because we are not using precise dates on the relationship, the numbers are only estimates but it appears Brad remained mentally strong for a longer period before succumbing to the inevitable Milano Meltdown with a 2009 line of (19/6/6.27).

    For GM’s and fantasy enthusiasts, the conclusions from a small but consistent sample size are: (1) expect mediocrity during the dating period, possibly related to distractions brought on by the newly smitten couple, (2) buy low as soon as a breakup is announced to take advantage of the Milano Bounce, and (3) sell high after one season to be safe before the predictable Milano Meltdown sets in.

  3. Beanster said...

    I should add that Pavano and Zito have never recovered post-Milano Meltdown suggesting possible long-term psychological effects.  As a result, I am staying away from Brad Penny in all my fantasy drafts.

  4. The Common Man said...

    It’s pretty clear she wasn’t withholding sex and making Exhibits A,B, and C wear women’s underwear while pitching.  If only Zito, Penny, and Pavano had seen that Bull Durham documentary.

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