Cardinals 12, Mets 8: Watching Oliver Perez, John Maine, Mike Pelfrey and, on this night, Livan Hernandez repeatedly stink up the joint after the awesomeness that is Johan Santana reminds me of a Superfriends episode in which Superman gets stuck having to save the world with just the Wonder Twins and Aquaman around. I mean, sure, it’s nice to not have to go it alone, but in all honesty he’d have a much easier time without their help. Maybe that’s not a perfect analogy, though, because by all appearances Superman plays for the Cardinals (3-4, 2 HR, 3 RBI, 4 R, BB, SB).
Orioles 6, White Sox 2: Adam Eaton apparently found a monkey’s paw yesterday and with his first wish asked to become an effective starting pitcher (7.1 IP, 6 H. 2 ER, 9K, 0 BB). It had a spell put on it by an old fakir, however, a very holy man. He wanted to show that fate ruled people’s lives, and that those who interfered with it did so to their sorrow. Since Adam Eaton is fated to stink, everyone had better give him a wide berth for the next few days and watch out for lighting and falling anvils and stuff. And yes, I am well aware that’s my second anvil reference in as many days. I’m experimenting with something. I’ll tell you about it later.
Blue Jays 5, Rangers 2: Dingerfest, as five homers accounted for most of the scoring. To be expected with these teams, though, as they are 1-2 in home runs so far this season. And this is fun: Andruw Jones pinch hit and then played first base. Between that and all the DHing he’s done this year, Ron Washington is doing everything he can to destroy the memories I have of Jones gliding through centerfield and representing death to flying things. Sure, Jones deserves some of the blame for this, but that irrational fan part of my brain prefers that he had just been told that he couldn’t play center anymore and then been allowed to walk off into the sunset.
Reds 7, Cubs 1: It looks like a laugher, but the game was 2-1 after six innings. Then Zambrano gave up a couple. Then Cotts gave up one. Then Jeff Samardzija gave up two, and that’s how things get out of hand. Harang was solid as all get-out for the Redlegs. Now they go back home so I can drive down to Cincinnati on Saturday and personally witness them get beat up by the Braves. That’s the theory anyway.
Mariners 1, Rays 0: The scoring closed after the second pitch of the game was sent over the wall courtesy of Ichiro’s bat. He must have read this article and got mad. King Felix made it hold up with seven shutout innings.
Brewers 6, Phillies 1: A Matt Stairs homer in the eighth and a Shane Victorino single two batters later were all the hits that Dave Bush and the Brewers would allow. Cole Hamels had to leave the game in the top of the fourth after being hit in his pitching arm by a Prince Fielder liner. It was diagnosed as a left-shoulder contusion. But he’s a ballplayer, so he’ll probably rub some dirt on it and be back in five days.
Indians 5, Royals 2: Gil Meche had retired 16 straight and was leading 2-1 before the wheels came off in the eighth. Ron Mahay gave up the three-run homer to Sizemore, but he was only able to do it because Meche was up to his neck in alligators. I’m guessing there’s a third metaphor with which I could pollute this recap, but I’ll leave it go.
Dodgers 2, Astros 0: Every year there’s a guy who seems like he starts every other game for his team. Last year it was Edwin Jackson on the Rays. As I sit here today, I’m certain that I wrote about his starts three or four times a week. This year it’s shaping up to be Wandy Rodriguez. His stats say that this was only his fourth start, but I trust my gut, and my gut says that it’s his 15th. It was a good one, too (6 IP, 5 H, 1 ER). Just not as good as Chad Billingsley’s (7.1 IP, 3 H, 0 ER).
Angels 10, Tigers 5: Hey, whaddaya know? Edwin Jackson. What are the odds?