A slightly superficial edition this morning, as I was working on another writing project last night. I’m so lazy about this that I’m not even going to link up the box scores, so if you want them, go here. Apologies, but I’m freakin’ tired, dudes:
Nationals 11, Dodgers 9: I’m guessing at this point that the odds of this loss not being blamed on some Manny Ramirez-inflicted psychic injury — as opposed to a bullpen meltdown — are about a billion to one, but it will still be wrong to do so.
Angels 6, Blue Jays 1: With Manny gone, the Weaver brothers now own L.A.
Cubs 8, Astros 5: OK, maybe Ivan Rodriguez isn’t dead. I mean, he hit a triple after all. But Alfonso Soriano was far more, er, undead, hitting two homers to lead the Cubbies to victory. Russ Ortiz, on the other hand: totally dead. He’s passed on. Is no more. He has ceased to be. He has expired and gone to meet his maker. If Cecil Cooper hadn’t nailed him to the mound he’d be pushing up the daisies and have gone off to join the choir invisible.
Mets 7, Phillies 5: If that’s Ortiz’s condition, I’m not sure what to make of Jamie Moyer (2.1 IP, 7 H, 7 ER). Ah, he’s still better than Ortiz. Like a zombie or that ghost army in “Return of the King.” Wait, if that were the case he would have one, because nothin’ beats the Ghost Army from ROTK. Hmm. Let me ponder that one a bit.
White Sox 6, Tigers 0: Buehrle had a perfecto into the seventh inning. Given how fast he works and knowing that he shutout the Tigers, I knew before looking that it was going to be a short one, and it was: 2:02. I think betting on the length of games Buehrle pitches would be a pretty cool way to waste some time and money.
Reds 6, Brewers 5: Micah Owings pitched six adequate innings and hit a triple that broke a tie. The Reds needed it, though, as Joey Votto and Brandon Phillips were out with the flu. Both of my kids and my mom have the flu too. I’m going to choose to blame Ohio for this.
Rays 8, Yankees 6: Hey, at least A-Rod won’t be on the front page this morning.
Padres 4, Diamondbacks 3: David Eckstein won the game with an RBI single in the 10th. He’s too scrappy for my love, too scrappy for my love, love’s going to leave me . . .
Red Sox 13, Indians 3: I’m thinking this is the game that’s going to officially put Eric Wedge on the hot seat. The GM made his move a few days ago. Now everything bad that happens is on the manager. That’s just how it works.
Giants 8, Rockies 3: Bengie Molina homered twice. I’m going to take credit for that, because I think I probably pissed him off earlier in the day.
Orioles 5, Twins 4: Can you really call winning a two-game series — one of which was a rain-shortened game — a “sweep” as the game story does here? It’s more of a quick brush of the hand over a dusty coffee table, isn’t it? The kicking of some crumbs under the china cabinet.
Cardinals 5, Pirates 2: St. Louis beats up Princeton boy Ross Ohlendorf. Hey, how many Princeton students does it take to change a light bulb? Two — one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician! Uh, wait. I went to a Big Ten school, so I have no idea why that’s supposed to be funny.
A’s 9, Rangers 4: A Matt Holliday homer causes his slugging percentage to creep back over .400. Five-year, $100M contract, here he comes!
Braves 4, Marlins 2: I’m quickly becoming a big member of the Jair Jurrjens fan club, as his ERA is now 2.01.
Royals 3, Mariners 1: You know, it never occurred to me that Brian Bannister won’t turn back into a pumpkin soon. If he doesn’t, hoo-boy, the Royals may run away with this thing. In other news, if you would have told me last year that I’d one day see Banny and Jarrod Washburn in a pitchers’ duel with pennant race implications in 2009, I would have had you committed.