And That Happened

Things a borderline obsessive box score reader does on a night, and following morning, when there are hardly any box scores to read:

1. Mope.

2. Wander around the house, open random book, read a page or two, then close book.

3. Eat mint chocolate chip ice cream right out of carton (note: this sometimes happens on busy baseball nights too).

4. Wonder what 14 year-old cat thinks about, now that death is presumably near.

5. Buy four baseball t-shirts online (two Tigers, one Braves, one Giants; don’t read too much into that; I just liked the shirt).

6. Try to ignore nine year-old cat who doesn’t respect his elders.

7. Click on the Brewers-Indians game, realize how ugly it is, and click it off again because life is too short to watch ugly baseball. Consult the boxscore anyway and wonder if Ben Francisco, Jhonny Peralta and Mike Cameron feel like losers for being the only guys not hitting tonight.

8. Listen to son snore on baby monitor. Wonder why nearly four year-old son still has a baby monitor. Remember that listening to his son snore on baby monitor is one of the most wonderful things in the world. Vow to keep monitor in son’s room until he’s 12.

9. Look out window and see neighbor — who used to be law firm co-worker — get home really late from work. Remember how much I hated law firm.

10. Fantasize about living on west coast so that I could get “And That Happened” completely written before I go to bed each night. Curse myself for having such pathetic fantasies.

11. Wonder whether Annie was right when she said that the world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness. Think about it a bit and realize that this is probably so. Spend many more minutes reading the list of “Bull Durham” quotes I referenced in order to get the Annie quote right.

12. Notice that the Angels-Giants game has started. Wonder how much money I could have won if I had offered to bet someone that Zito would have a lower ERA than Lackey come June 15th.

13. Stalk some junior high school friends on Facebook. Think about the ethics of this, and then realize that with a name as distinctive as “Calcaterra” more people are probably stalking me than me them. Continue stalking. Find no one interesting to stalk. Move on with life.

14. Notice that the Indians-Brewers game ended, with the Brewers winning 14 to 12. Think that Indians should have managed clock better so that there would have been time for an onside kick and a chance for a field goal.

15. Set coffee pot up to grind and brew at 5:20 AM. Brush teeth. Turn out light in dark-fearing daughter’s room (dark fear ceases once she falls asleep). Go to bed.

16. Wake up two-minutes before alarm — which is set for 5:25 — goes off. Realize that this happens most mornings anymore. Wonder what happened to the night person I used to be. Wonder how late I’d sleep if I didn’t have a blog to update each morning. Remember that I like the blog more than I like sleeping late and banish the thought.

17. Notice that the Angels beat the Giants 9-7. Wonder if the four teams playing last night decided that they needed to score enough for all 30. Note that, as of this morning, Lackey’s ERA has inched lower and Zito’s higher. I will not be taking bets on their relative positions as of July 15th.

18. Begin my morning stroll around the baseball pages and begin forming the day’s bloggy thoughts.

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  1. lar said...

    Great stuff, Craig. A pleasure to read.

    About the games: I spent much of the night watching old Star Trek on Sci-Fi channel because every time I turned it over the Brewers game, they were busy blowing leads. I did, however, turn it back in the 8th inning with the bases loaded and Ryan Braun up. After he got his base hit to make it a three-run game, the Eric Wedge decided to bring in a lefty to face Prince Fielder. The ESPN guys, as bad as they were, did mention that this particular lefty had just come back from the minors after having allowed a .382 average to left-handed batters in an earlier big league stint. Needless to say, Prince’s grand slam was not too surprising. I’m just glad the Crew decided to work out some of their batting issues. Now for the pitching… (Gallardo goes tonight, so maybe that will happen)

  2. Adam said...

    I’ll tell you what I did, Craig.  MLB Network was showing Game 1 of the ‘68 Cardinals-Tigers, when Gibson K’d 17.  It was awesome; that guy had the nastiest stuff.  Give me that over 14-12 Indians Brewers any day.  Of course, when my wife walked in and saw that I was watching this (after making her sit through the Clemente bio on PBS) I’m quite sure she did a U-turn and called her lawyer.

  3. MooseinOhio said...

    If Kohl’s has a jump in the sale of baseball t-shirts today we’ll have a better idea of the influence Shysterball wields.  Do I smell a potential sponsor?

  4. Alex Poterack said...

    “Realize that this happens most mornings anymore.”

    Positive anymore?  Has that spread west from Pittsburgh into Central Ohio?

    /linguistics nerd

  5. Craig Calcaterra said...

    That was a positive “anymore,” Alex.  It’s very strange now that I think about it, because (a) I haven’t always said that—and in fact, I think I began saying it fairly recently—but (b) I had never really considered it a regional thing and can’t really think of anyone I’ve heard say it in my presence. Maybe I just picked up on some weird cosmic frequency.

    /thinks linguistics is cool
    //doesn’t understand thing-one about linguistics

  6. J.W. said...

    The positive anymore is supposed to be quite common in the Columbus-ish areas of Ohio. It is also seen sporadically throughout much of the Midwest (shows up in Wisconsin I think but I’m definitely not 100% on that) and—according to what I just read on the internets to make sure that I was remembering my linguistics correcly—even reaches as far as New Mexico. It’s a superb use of the word, and 100% valid and legit, but it sure does sound funny to us folks on the east coast.

  7. Alex Poterack said...

    Yeah, I’m not surprised it shows up in central Ohio, ‘cause that seems to pattern fairly closely with Western Pennsylvania, which I’ve always thought of as the “ground zero” of positive anymore.  I’m from Milwaukee originally, and it sounds totally foreign to me, so I don’t think it shows up in Wisconsin, but I suppose it could show up in other parts of the state.

  8. themarksmith said...

    12 is probably a good age. You might not want to know what he’s doing in there after that …

  9. Matt said...

    What to do the next day at work in Milwaukee:

    1.  Count how many football scoring references you get because the Brewers game ended 14-12.  At 10:55 a.m. the # is 3,  consisting of the missed extra points, the safety, and now the field goal. 

    Some “jokes” get old.

    How about all those field goals the Giants kicked last night?  See.

    Maybe you can get some sabermetrician (say it with me now) in his mom’s basement to bunk or debunk this whole thing?

  10. Craig Calcaterra said...

    Yeah, not very original, but mine was written before 11PM last night and was posted live at 4:30AM Milwaukee time, so there’s a decent chance I was first.

  11. handwasher said...

    #15: Dark-fearing child.

    My 7yo son is the same way.  He goes all the way sometimes and turns on the hall light, too.  I figure it’s my Alaskan blood, making him want to sleep in the light.

  12. Andrea Aune said...

    Darn Craig…I was planning to buy you that T-Shirt in the shopping days before your birthday.

  13. Repoz said...

    “Things a borderline obsessive box score reader does on a night, and following morning, when there are hardly any box scores to read:”

    Dig the fact that he has Braun, V. Martinez and Fat Ichiro all on his team!

    Wadda night…9 fer 14

    9 Runs
    4 Taters
    13 Ribs
    1 Stinkin’ Steal

    Woo-hoo…less games per night! (shoots self)

  14. Chuck said...

    Craig, just a little fanboy stuff here. I enjoy my daily fix of And That Happened. Please continue to bring me joy at the expense of your own sleep. I am comfortable with the trade-off.

  15. Joao said...

    Shouldn’t we get a link to the cool shirts you bought? I’ve always wanted a Tigers something or other.  Even though they are not my team, I have no connection whatsoever to Detroit, and have no intent to ever visit the place, the Tigers have one of the sweetest unis and logos in the Majors.

  16. Craig Calcaterra said...

    Andy: I will probably continue to think about my life in six minute increments for the next several years. On the plus side, I have also been conditioned to inflate the value of whatever happens in those increments, so my self-esteem should remain steady.

    Joao: I can’t say that the shirts are really “cool” the way we may all understand the term because they’re Kohl’s sale specials designed to fill up the roster more than star, but for what it’s worth, I got these:

    This one in gray

    This one

    This one

    And this one

  17. YankeesfanLen said...

    What do you do, Reader’s Digest at the Blue Network and let it all hang out here? And a fashion show to boot?

  18. Craig Calcaterra said...

    Kind of. At least today with this post.  The NBC crowd is, I suspect, less willing to give me the lattitude to examine my navel than the folks over here.

  19. J.W. said...

    I got to work this morning wondering how you would deal with the dearth of games. Couldn’t have even hoped for anything this entertaining. Thanks for sacrificing sleep to write blog.

    Re: Zito. I hope that one day in the not too distant future, Billy Beane acquires Zito, Mulder and Hudson, much as he re-acquired Jason Giambi this year. Not that it would make much baseball sense. But it sure would be fun. You know like if the Braves brought back Smoltz and Glavi…oh. Sorry.

  20. Jason @ IIATMS said...

    That was a good one, Craig.  We had many of the same ideas and thoughts yesterday, minus the cats, getting up at 5-anything AM, liking the blog more than sleeping, buying a Giants’ t-shirt and a few others.

    That said, there is nothing better than checking on sleeping kids.  And wondering how they moved into that bizarre sleeping position (“how’d you turn 90 degress?”), or how they can sleep with one knee up and not wake up sore as hell the next day.

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