A very grand-slammy day around the Majors . . .
Nationals 14, Brewers 6: Josh Willingham with two grand slams and eight RBI. I think that’s more production than his trade counterpart Emilio Bonifacio has had all season.
Mets 7, Rockies 3: An eighth inning pinch hit grand slam by Fernando Tatis puts a happy ending on what was an otherwise horrible day in Metsville. After the game, Omar Minaya raged at a press conference about how he can no longer sit back and allow reporter infiltration, reporter indoctrination, reporter subversion and the international reporter conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
Cubs 5, Astros 1: Tie game, bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth! Lou Piniella calls for the suicide squeeze! Mike Fontenot know what to do: Contact, baby! Do anything, put it anywhere, but JUST DON’T MISS THE BALL! Oops, he missed the ball and the runner was tagged out. On to extra innings, where, thankfully for Fontenot’s sake, the Cubbies broke out in the 13th inning, via — you guessed it — a game-winning grand slam, this one off the bat of Alfonso Soriano.
Indians 9, Angels 8: A rare bifurcated grand slam won this one, with Victor Martinez hitting a three run home run followed immediately by Jhonny Peralta hitting a solo-shot in the ninth inning. Shut up, it does too count. I’m trying to keep a theme going here.
Yankees 11, Rays 4: It was A-Rod’s birthday yesterday, and if he wanted to, he and his lady friend Kate Hudson could have joined the party and gotten a free grand slam. Since it’s Rodriguez, though, they probably just tried to go to Chi Chi’s to get free nachos and a Polaroid picture wearing that birthday sombrero they give out. Then they probably were crestfallen when they found out that (a) Chi Chi’s went out of business five years ago; and (b) that there aren’t any Polaroids around anymore either. So instead they just went out to some fabulous restaurant and took turns telling one another how rich and beautiful they are. Wait, where was I going with this?
Reds 6, Padres 4: Given how totally each of these teams have fallen apart recently, this was more like rummage sale than a ballgame. Scouts sat behind home plate like Luke and Uncle Owen pickin’ out droids. Based on reports, someone’s got their eyes set on this Red one, but they should be warned: he probably has a bad motivator.
Red Sox 8, A’s 3: Every Red Sox batter got a hit which, if you’re a connoisseur of box scores, is kind of satisfying to see on an aesthetic level. 10Ks for Beckett.
Royals 5, Orioles 3: Billy Butler went 5 for 5 and Bruce Chen wasn’t an unmitigated disaster for once. Interesting — and deceiving — to see that the Royals are only three games worse than the Orioles are this year. I bet Dayton Moore walks around the office complaining about how unfair it is for those in the know to talk about Baltimore’s future and promise while all they do is criticize the Royals.
Twins 4, White Sox 3: Errors were the difference here, as Jayson Nix and Paul Konerko each committed an error in the second which led to Twins runs.
Rangers 5, Tigers 2: Yet another solid start from Tommy Hunter (7 IP, 5 H, 1 ER). I don’t know anything about him and I haven’t seen him pitch yet. Royce — anyone — is he any good, or is this a fluke?
Cardinals 6, Dodgers 1: Chris Carpenter finishes July 4-0 by beating L.A. in a manner that compels me to use the term “scattered” (7 IP, 9 H, 1 ER). Not to be confused with scattered, smothered, and covered (sorry, that breakfast reference in the Yankees recap has me hungry). Anyway, in his first four games with St. Louis, Matt Holliday is 8-for-14 with four RBIs. In his last seven games, Mark DeRosa has five homers. I’d say at this point that the midseason deals are paying off for St. Louis.
Phillies 6, Diamondbacks 2: Jamie Moyer, who I am contractually obligated to refer to as “crafty” (though “wily” will also be accepted), baffled the Dbacks with his stunning array of dusty junk, allowing bubkis over six innings. The Phillies now have a seven game lead in the East.
Blue Jays 11, Mariners 4: All hits are not created equal. Toronto only has three more of them than the Ms, but they scored seven more runs, knocking King Felix around in what amounts to his worst start in a couple of years, and preventing him from getting what would have been his 12th win.
Giants 4, Pirates 2: Lincecumazing! OK, I’ll cut that out now. But he really was, tossing a complete game, giving up no earned runs, and striking out 15 Pirates. His game score of 87 is the ninth best of any starter’s performance this season. Though it’s worth noting that I don’t believe in game scores. I just believe in me. Yoko and me. And that’s reality.