Between Scylla and Charybdis

Most likely owing to the start time, Catholics in Milawaukee are not quite as bent out of shape about the Brewers’ Good Friday home opener as those in Detroit, but in some ways their suggestions as to how to properly combine baseball and religion are even more extreme:

Milwaukee’s soon-to-be-departing, but still current Catholic Archbishop has put the hammer down on Catholics hoping to enjoy a brat during the Brewers’ home opener, because it happens to fall on Good Friday.

Dolan says Catholics attending the home opener, or just with baseball fever for the Good Friday, April 10th game against the Chicago Cubs, still ought to abstain from meat and poultry.

“I think instead of eating the sausages or hot dogs that day, they just should say a prayer for the Brewers success this season,” said Dolan.

Which is the greater sin: eating meat on Good Friday or not eating brats at Miller Park?

(thanks to Lar for the link)

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  1. GBS said...

    You love to stir it up, don’t you, Craig?

    Not being Catholic, I don’t have a stake (or is that steak?) in the not-eating-meat-on-Friday thing.  But if someone is Catholic and does abstain, then a ballgame seems like a poor excuse to do otherwise.

  2. ElBonte said...

    The official position of the City of Milwaukee is that when properly cooked, the beer used is the culinary equivalent of holy water.  The key is to gently simmer the sausages in beer before grilling.  Of course, that position has yet to be recognized by the Catholic church—they prefer the post-grill soak.

  3. DavidB said...

    Hey, moron, what Catholics are “bent out of shape”?  Name one.


    Of course you can’t, because this is just a contrived controversy pushed by one of our dying mainstream media rags (they’re taking a break from campaigning for the government to murder more Arabs.  Why do you continue to shoehorn this onto a baseball site?  Sure, I get that you hate Catholics – we’re not a bunch of closet gays and Viagra-popping military worshipers and, well….,2933,258299,00.html

    ….but can you please stop with your bogus stories about how we’re “up in arms” and “outraged”. 

    I’m a Catholic and I’m in Detroit.  I don’t give a crap about the Tigers’ opening day.  So now you know for a fact that the story is false.  So shut the hell up.

    Look, we know that you find Jews “beautiful” and “noble”, and I’m not asking you to worship us like you do them, but can you please just stop slandering us so viciously?

    Thank you.

  4. Craig Calcaterra said...

    DavidB:  I suggest you take a remedial course in whimsy and sarcasm, and while you’re at it, a few electives that can help you reduce your overactive sense of victimization.

    But if you want me to “name one,” I’ll give you Michael Ochab, who was the source of the stories about the Detroit thing.  The Rev. Ed Vilkauskas of downtown Detroit’s St. Mary’s Catholic Church wasn’t too happy about it either.

    That said, no one here (or anywhere else that I can recall) has suggested that anyone of consequence—or numbers of people of consequence—had a problem with any of this.  It’s a media creation by a small number of people, and it’s somewhat amusing.  Both of those things enable one (i.e. me) to make fun of it without besmirching your religion.  Unless of course you claim the small number of people fairly represent it.

    Put differently: lighten the hell up.  The Catholic Church has lasted for a couple of thousand years with harsher critics than me.  I have this feeling it can handle whatever weak sauce I throw at it, in jest or otherwise.

  5. Wooden U. Lykteneau said...

    Well, Craig, I guess you can’t pull the sheets away from some folks’ heads, can you?

  6. DavidB said...

    So I ask you to name somebody, and the best you can do is cite the quotes from the very same mainstream-media rag that started this faux controversy?  (Which was done in a pathetic, desperate attempt to maintain readership because nobody under the age of 40 believes their war-mongering, corporate-loving idiocy anymore.)  That’s basically like an author using himself as an anonymous source in an article.  Completely worthless.

    I have a great sense of humor, just as long as somebody’s actually funny.  But picking on Catholics is (a) lame and cliche` and (b) flagrantly cheap comedy because, of course, you can say anything with no fear of media reprisal.

    Again, if you start mocking Yom Kippur (which, obviously, you wouldn’t want to do to those “beautiful” and “noble” people!), then I can dismiss your repeated anti-Catholic rhetoric as the product of just another crude anti-religion zealot.  But right now you’re coming across as a politically correct anti-religion zealot who doesn’t have the brains to make funny jokes or the balls to pick on anybody who it’s not hip to pick on.  Catholic-bashing is about as taboo as Britney Spears bashing.  Why don’t you try writing something that might get you in trouble?

    So now I’m getting the same meaningless crap at a sabermetrics site that I get from the mainstream media (albeit with idiotic “snarky!” jokes).  I guess it’s just like my friend who went to to meet nice girls but ended up being pitched by hookers!

  7. Craig Calcaterra said...

    Well, David you asked for a name. I gave you a name.  And may I remind you that you were the first person to claim that one person’s opinion decided an issue:

    “I’m a Catholic and I’m in Detroit.  I don’t give a crap about the Tigers’ opening day.  So now you know for a fact that the story is false.”

    Not that I expect intellectual consistency to be the strong suit of a person like you.

    And just so you know, I’ll stop “picking on Catholics” when they stop doing things worthy of criticism.  With you in their fold, however, I have this feeling that it might be a while.

  8. DavidB said...


    Ooooh….you’re so….profound, man. 

    Look, I don’t care about your religions or your hatred of religions (and, for the record, nobody cares about your name, either).  As long as you’re not murdering and lying, I live and let live.

    It’s not about religion, it’s about bigotry and bad jokes. 

    Why don’t you “pull the sheets” away from Jews or Hindus?

    All I’m asking is that you stop making facially bogus claims (Catholics in Detroit and Milwaukee are “bent out of shape”) and bad jokes. 

    Just go back to slobbering over young sweaty men in tight clothes and worshiping the military.

  9. DavidB said...

    The quotes you provided don’t further your point.  At all.  (A) They’re innocuous – nothing along the lines of “bent out of shape”, and (b) the reporter for the dying mainstream media rag probably had to desperately cull them out of people.  Are you claiming that those people actually sought the reporter out and said “We’re bent out of shape!” 

    Hey, you guys can go on slandering me and, yeah, I’m Catholic.  But at least I’m not some creepy closet-gay, Viagra-popping piece of crap who can’t build or create a damn thing.  So you guys can run along and slobber over David Wright and pretend to cry when they sing “God Bless America” and all the rest.

    But you know it’s all fake: your sex, your tears, your emotions….and your news stories.

  10. lar said...

    Well, apparently someone over here thought it was an interesting enough set of events to ask the archbishop of Wisconsin (and very soon to be archbishop of New York, which, as a Catholic, you should be aware is a pretty important position within the church) about it and he, apparently, thought it was important enough to give a little bit of an answer.

    And, obviously, we all know that that one article was not the feeling of the vast majority of Catholics. If you read what people were saying, I think you’d be hard pressed to deny it. This link was meant to show that, I think. I mean, it gives the archbishop’s opinion on the matter, for goodness sake.

  11. Wooden U. Lykteneau said...

    Well, Craig, now you see why the expression goes… if a man is a fool, let him speak, so the whole world will know.

  12. Craig Calcaterra said...

    “But at least I’m not some creepy closet-gay, Viagra-popping piece of crap who can’t build or create a damn thing.”

    I can’t tell, David: are you more upset about people slandering Catholics, or by the fact that your doctor won’t prescribe you drugs for erectile dysfunction.  Because really, you seem to resent Viagra users far more than Catholic haters.

  13. Jason said...

    “Why don’t you “pull the sheets” away from Jews or Hindus?”

    Since, you know, no one EVER tells jokes about Jews.

    Get the #### over yourself.

  14. DavidB said...

    Sorry to defend you.  Didn’t know you were impotent….but I kind of guessed (it’s par for the course with you people).

    Technically, it’s not Viagra that I hate: it’s impotent men – no doubt like certain people here – who dupe themselves into thinking they’re tough.

    For the record, I worked with a woman who was a sales rep for Pfizer (when they had a large Michigan office) and (a) Viagra is exclusively a drug for rich, war-loving Republicans (better than 80% of their customers) and, (b) men who use it – like Rush Limbaugh – end up thinking it’s cool to murder Arabs. 

    Is it a coincidence that Viagra and murderous, thieving neo-conservatism arose at exactly the same time?  What’s the correlation coefficient on those two?  1.

    I also can’t stand tough guys who think they’re tough for worshiping the military and watching NASCAR.

    I also can’t stand people who love murdering Arabs.

    I also can’t stand creepy married dudes (always rich neo-cons) who hit on me when they know I have a girlfriend. 

    I also can’t stand the fact that worthless American men can’t build a damn thing and that, to find an engineer worth a damn, I have to talk to guys from the East (often Muslims).

    Basically….I don’t think I’d get along with too many guys at this site, which is why I post so rarely.

  15. Craig Calcaterra said...

    David, I’ve let you go on until now because (a) you’re rather amusing; and (b) despite your little flourishes, you’ve kinda sorta kept to the point.

    But that’s it. I won’t tolerate any more of your baloney.  I’m fine with political stuff, but not when it’s not even remotely in the service of a post or discussion-related point, so knock it off.

    And any further racial comments or insinuations will be deleted.  Complain if you must, but though I try to be fair, this comment board is not a democracy.

  16. DavidB said...

    Just please stop slandering Catholics.  Your comments are facially bogus and your jokes are lame and hack crap.

  17. DavidB said...

    Vince Neil,

    I think your wife is getting nailed by a virile young Mexican right now.  Better go burn some Dixie Chicks CDs so that you can still feel like a man.

  18. Alex K said...

    I don’t think that’s it.  It seems like someone just wanted to argue about something.  I just don’t see what there is to fight about with this post.  Someone asked the Archbishop a question, and he answered.  Was it the little joke at the end?  If so wow, talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

  19. dlf said...

    Wow. I think I’ve lost about twelve IQ points reading a particular poster’s comments.  Love it!

  20. lisa gray said...

    here and i thought that craig himself is catholic

    and that is real interesting about viagra being for rich republican neocons who use it to get off on murdering arabs. i thought they would want to use it for getting off on their sexual partners but hey, learn something new every day

    here and i thought it was for old guys of ANY persuasion who got trouble because of blood pressure and/or prostate and/or sugar diabetes and/or fatness

    it is a big relief to find out that poor democrat guys with all them medical problems can’t get ED.

    it is TRULY amazing what i can learn on a baseball board

  21. Steve said...

    I’m a Catholic in Milwaukee and have decided that Opening Day wins out over Good Friday.  I talked to Jesus and we agreed that I’ll just avoid meat on Thursday and everything will be a wash.  It’s a good thing Dolan is on his way out because I don’t think he’d like it that I went over his head for this decision.

  22. kendynamo said...

    craig – please approve more of DavidB’s posts.  pleeeeeeeease????  They are by the funniest things i have read in a while.  I cracked up when the vince neil bit when RIGHT over his head.  and then he goes on and on railing against neo-cons and blah blah blah, only to finish it off with a lament that muslsim are the only good structural engineers in america??? wtf’ingf!  this guy is a gold mine, i want more.

  23. CarterHayes said...

    Hey Craig, why don’t you stick to baseball and leave the religious mockery to Bill Maher, ok?

  24. Dr Paisley said...

    Gosh, and here I thought the title was a Morganna the Kissing Bandit reference (that’s not her nickname for her “endowments?”).

    Must say you were far nicer to the dorknozzle than he deserved.

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