Fantasy baseball

There’s a point in every offseason when people stop looking back at last year and start looking forward to the next. When fans of any given team start to employ some mental spackle to make all of those holes in the roster disappear. That point where hope starts to spring eternal. We have officially reached that point:

OK, no more negatives. No more whining about how the Astros have taken a step back in the off-season.

I’m sold.

I am officially convinced your 2009 Houston Astros will be unstoppable on their way to the World Series. They are the best team in the Central Division. Once they get in the playoffs, we all know anything can happen. This will be their year.

The assumptions upon which the author’s conclusion rests are only slightly more plausible than those which must occur before me being asked to replace Christian Bale in the next Batman movie. And for that matter, they’re only slightly more plausible than the next Batman Movie being called “Batman 3: Wrath of Kahn.”

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  1. Jason @ IIATMS said...

    “mental spackle”?  That’s unbelievable.  Where can I get some?

    I can use it to patch the holes in my brain that have eliminated my ability to remember names, Chris.

  2. dtro said...

    I can’t tell if the guy is kidding or not. The whole article has a confusing tone.

    I am mentally spackling Luis Castillo into a dungeon a la the Cask of Amontillado.

  3. The Common Man said...

    “Michael Bourn will become the premier leadoff hitter in baseball. His offseason work pays off, and he hits over .290 and steals 80 bases, providing speed a run production at the top of the order.”

    Oh, hope can be so cruel.  This is the same line of thinking that made me optimistic about the Luis Rivas era for the first two years, and left me dazed and disillusioned.  Can I have some mental spackle too to wall up my memories of Oh-for-three-vas?

  4. Aarcraft said...

    The problem for Astros fans is that the mental spackle we have used in the past has worked, with incredible runs that those teams had no business making. It makes it hard for us to be realistic.

  5. jay11 said...

    All the Astros need is for the Cubs to collapse in the regular season instead of the postseason.

    That’s it.

    Who else is going to run away with that division?

    Nobody.  Outside of the Cubs, everybody stinks.

    The chance of an opening day, diving for a foul ball near the bullpen down the 3rd base line, collision by Aramis Ramirez, Theriot, Soriano and Marmol wiping out the season of all 4 of them isn’t that far fetched is it?

    At least not as far fetched as Mike Bourn turning into Rickey Henderson.

  6. Mo said...

    I have to say, jay 11, that the your post is one of the funniest things i’ve ever read (at this moment, I cannot remember any other funny posts) … kudos.

    p.s. Just because you’ve never seen a black swan does not mean it does not exist.

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