Great Moments in awful opening sentences

Wow. Bill Plaschke gets paid for writing sentences like this:

Sick of staring at it, the Dodgers became it, pouring themselves across Chavez Ravine on Saturday night like the champagne that has haunted them. Clayton Kershaw popped. Casey Blake bubbled. Mark Loretta sprayed. An entire dugout of bouncing blue poured into the cool night awash in intoxicating relief.


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prescottonian
14 years ago

Jim Murray is reeling, as are the rest of us ink-stained wretches…

The Rabbit
14 years ago

NPR runs a contest for the most creative “awful opening sentences”.  This could be a winner.

Grant
14 years ago

I knew it was Plaschke without even looking. It couldn’t have been anyone else.

Richard Dansky
14 years ago

That’s not Plaschke. There are two sentences in that paragraph.

Richard Dansky
14 years ago

Correction: Multiple sentences. I just got used to seeing Plaschke write strictly in fragments, and the multiple complete sentences took me by surprise.

Craig Calcaterra
14 years ago

I smashed them together to make a better looking blockquote. They were separate paragraphs in the original, per Plaschke’s usual style.

Kevin S.
14 years ago

Guys, leave Plaschke alone.  He doesn’t get paid by the word, he gets paid by the area.  Dude’s just trying to make a buck.

*reads quoted material again*

Okay, I can’t even pretend to defend Plaschke in the name of snark.  My eyes!

YankeesfanLen
14 years ago

When you channel William Faulkner and Hunter Thompson simultaneously, are you tempted to write a baseball fantasy piece?

Jeff Zimmerman
14 years ago

That looks like some of the non sense I write, but I don’t get paid for it.

michael standish
14 years ago

I’d been wondering for several decades where all the LSD went; thanks for clearing that up.