“I’m from Atlanta, and I don’t even understand it”

Nation Dumbfounded As To Why Little-Leaguer’s Favorite Player Is Chipper Jones:

The U.S. populace reacted with confusion, astonishment, and mild disgust upon discovering that 12-year-old little-leaguer Jonathan Keefer’s favorite major-league baseball player is none other than Atlanta Braves third baseman Chipper Jones . . . The nation was reportedly speechless when word spread that Keefer isn’t even from Atlanta.

“Maybe he’s just doing this to be funny,” 26-year-old Cleveland resident Corey Bell said. “When I was 16 or 17, a bunch of my friends and I pretended to like David Justice purely for the kitsch value. Or maybe this boy’s just being ironic. At least, you’d hope that’s the case.”

(thanks to Michael Kraus for the link)

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  1. Bill B. said...

    Since the mid-1990’s, Chipper has been and still continues to be my favorite non-Phillies player, although he has some tough competition nowadays.

    I’m sure a Phillies fan liking a Braves player violates some sort of ordinance, but all I’m concerned about are the restraining orders.

  2. dtro said...

    I guess I could understand a Braves fan liking Chipper, but I could never fathom a fan of another team feeling something outside of the spectrum between “pure unadulterated hatred” and “mild begrudging respect” for Larry Jones.

  3. Bill said...

    Hilarious as the Onion always is, but why would they pick Jones (an all-time great player) for this? Why not more of an Al Oliver clone, like…I don’t know, Raul Ibanez? Maybe I’m missing an entire level of the joke or something.


  4. Timmy said...

    I guess I don’t quite get it, because around here Chipper Jones is second on the sports “god” totem pole only to Peyton Manning.  Chipper is the Mickey Mantle of 90’s-00’s Braves basball.  Hell, I can think of several attractive female friends of mine, who go to Braves games just to see Chipper.  Which I don’t fully understand, because he’s not especially good-looking. But these girls have a serious crush on the guy.  It must be the quiet confident persona…

  5. Craig Calcaterra said...

    See, I’ve always thought of Chipper as more like the Braves’ AL Kaline than Mickey Mantle. A top-shelf Hall of Fame talent to be sure, and a handful of seasons that stand alongside anything anyone else in the game was doing at the same time, but very rarely the best in the game. Each won one World Series. Each was overshadowed by another, greater talent in the league (Mantle; Bonds/Pujols).  I don’t think this takes away from his legacy—I was brought up to believe that Kaline was a demigod—but his stardom can be overstated.

    As for the local women: maybe they know he’s rich and has a history of philandering?

  6. Andy L said...

    Hey!  My favorite player is Chipper Jones too.  I don’t get the joke.  Couldn’t they have used Juan Pierre?

  7. Timmy said...

    Kaline is a much better comparison, actually. 

    As far as the female attraction thing goes, I think the fact that he’s been a Brave for forever helps for the casual female fan, and also for a lack of a better option.  I mean there’s the Failcoeur route, but if you’re going to have a baseball player crush it seems to me, they may as well be successful at the game.  And McCann is probably a bit too much of a goof ball.  Though I really can’t say I have even a basic knowledge of how any woman’s mind works.

  8. Grant said...

    For the record, a friend of mine when I was in elementary school was a Braves fan (we lived in Maryland…I guess he was a combo bandwagon/superstation fan, since this was the mid-90s) and his favorite player was David Justice. I’m almost certain that’s true and not a figment of my memory.

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