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Dumb And Dumberby John BrattainMay 27, 2005 I’m sure you’ve heard of The Darwin Awards. According to their website: “The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways. Of necessity, this honor is generally bestowed posthumously.” I can’t help but wonder how MLB could be improved in this way. Or for that matter the Florida Marlins. If we could get rid of the really stupid people involved with the Marlins, this could really be an awesome franchise. Don’t forget; they share a stadium—and therefore the marketplace—with the hugely popular Miami Dolphins. Unlike the Dolphins, the Marlins have won a couple of championships in recent years. The Dolphins haven’t been to the big game since 1984 and haven’t won it all since the days of Bob Griese and Larry Csonka. Despite this, and a hugely successful and exciting team (which we‘ll get into in a few moments) this year (they‘ve got the second best record in the NL), all you hear about the Marlins is stadium blackmail and relocation threats. Let’s take a quick look at how the Marlins have marketed their product:
On top of all of this, especially between 1998-2002, all we heard is that the Marlins couldn’t compete in the current environment and that Pro Player was a place where you’d get damp and miserable while you watched your team get saddled with the inevitable loss. Then the idiot ungrateful fans would be blasted for not showing up to watch a lousy team in a cesspool of a ballpark. Brilliant eh? It’s like you buy a pizza restaurant, tell everybody your food is awful and unlikely to improve, that the beer is lukewarm, the service is snarky, the ambience reeks and that there are all kinds of other eateries far superior to yours. Then you say that any customers who patronize your place are idiots, yet you tell them they’re ingrates who don’t deserve pizza if they don’t eat yours. On top of that, when the cook serves up an awesome pizza, you call it an aberration and say it is unlikely to happen again. Now if your profits suffer, whose bloody fault is it? But that’s how MLB/Loria/Samson have promoted their product. They’ve been so desperate to suck at the public teat—contenting themselves with just sucking for the time being—that they’ve neglected to sell and promote a terrific product. They’ve got three exciting young starters at the front of their rotation in Dontrelle Willis (8-1, 1.55 ERA 64 IP/50 K), AJ Burnett (3-4, 3.19 ERA 62 IP/62 K) and Josh Beckett (6-3, 2.63 ERA 61.7 IP/63 K). They signed Carlos Delgado, who is a monster hitter who might make his Hall of Fame case in Miami, and on top of that, they’ve got a 22-year-old left fielder who is an absolute stud (.368/.413/.613 with 9 HR and 31 RBI) in Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera may well be baseball’s best-kept secret. His OBP and SLG have gone up each year he’s been in the bigs. How good is he? I (meaning this is a personally held opinion) feel he’ll be a better hitter than A-Rod. Cabrera is scary good. By the time 2005 is over Cabrera and Delgado may be the most potent 1-2 punch in MLB. This is a good team—heck I picked them to win the NL. The Marlins are strong up the middle with Juan Pierre in center field, Alex Gonzalez (good Alex) and Luis Castillo (18 BB/4 K!) manning the keystone and the solid Paul Lo Duca (.306/.370/.410) behind the dish. At third base they’ve got the solid, though currently slumping, Mike Lowell, and they've got a fun outfield of Cabrera/Pierre/and the currently hot (for him) Juan Encarnacion. The bullpen has been getting solid work from Matt Perisho, Nate Bump and Todd Jones, who has been filling in admirably as closer for the injured Guillermo Mota. The Marlins are also getting solid swing work from veteran Brian Moehler (2-1, 2.13 ERA and a 2.10 ERA in his six starts), who has been filling in as the fifth starter since Ismael Valdez was injured during Spring Training. Loria, Samson and Co., however, are too busy whining about a lack of corporate welfare to appreciate what they’ve got. Taking the All-Star Game away from the fans to pressure South Florida politicians into paying for a stadium was unforgiveable, as is constantly threatening the fans with contraction/relocation because they took MLB's advice and stayed away from a lousy facility (translation: we're not getting club seat/luxury box revenues) that contained a team that had no "hope and faith." Throw in fire sales and threatened fire sales, and is it any wonder that the Marlins have so little goodwill in South Florida? The Florida Marlins have everything in place for a wildly successful ball club both on and off the field. The only thing holding them back is buffoonery at the top. Baseball and the Marlins would be far better off if they could remove the defective baseball DNA. Perhaps they could read The Darwin Awards for inspiration. Our good friend, and THT stalwart, John Brattain passed away on March 24, 2009. John was a prolific writer, whose work can also be read at Sympatico/MSN Sports and Baseball Digest Daily. John's work was also featured at USA Today, MLBtalk, ESPN Insider, Baseball Prospectus, The Baseball Analysts and The Baseball Journals. Never afraid to express himself in any medium, he was also a frequent radio speaker. Commenting is not available in this weblog entry. Do you have a general question or comment for one of THT's writers? Send it in to our weekly mailbag We also welcome unsolicited op-ed pieces of approximately 500 words for consideration. We reserve the right to edit for length, clarity and consistency of style. Please include your whole name and location to be considered. If you have a comment about this specific article, please email the writer. Next Article: Around the Majors: Bad injury for Prior>> <<Previous Article: Around the Majors: Rodriguez ties Murphy |