Friday, August 05, 2011
Ode de Stairs: The exploits of a legendPosted by Brad Johnson
A wanderer in search of a home.
A bay offers solace, shade, and succor,
But it is a temporary respite.
Wandering to the heartland,
Around the heartland,
Finding couches to sleep upon,
But never a bed.
Then back North where it began.
But not to stay,
Never to stay.
Then East to victory!
And West to defeat.
And back East to bitterest defeat.
Sunset greets the departing hero.
Vanquished, yet undefeated.
He can smell it,
See it oozing from the very pores of his nemesis.
Surrounding the fields of pitched battle,
Demons shrieked in gathered masses,
Jostling, cavorting, cajoling
Hoping futilely that their Champion would prevail.
The demons were of no consequence.
Cravens and cowards and invalids.
Unable to defeat him themselves.
He re-focused on his foeman.
Again tasting the fear,
Turning it over his tongue.
Savoring the silky musk of it.
He unsheathed his lumber.
His foe attacked.
A single crystallized moment hung,
waiting to shatter,
The Wonder Hamster blasted his foe with his hammer.
Until the Moon.
Matt Stairs finished his career on a down note. But on the whole, he may have been the most interesting man of his generation.
He was a career .262/.356/.477 hitter. He blasted 265 home runs and somehow squeezed 30 stolen bases into his 20-year career. He played for 13 franchises, including one that no longer exists and one that didn't exist when he entered the league. He helped the Phillies capture a World Series championship in 2008 by blasting a Jonathan Broxton offering into a stable orbit. He worked a critical walk against the same Broxton the following postseason.
Now the great beast rests. Rumor has it, he shall return again at the Earth's hour of greatest need.
Follow Brad on Twitter @baseballAteam. Email him at pitchin432 AT Yahoo.com