Ah, the perfect girl.

I don’t believe the Alyssa Effect has received sufficient attention by the statistical community.  I took a closer look at the data based on dating information provided by this site: http://www.whosdatedwho.com/celebrities/people/dating/alyssa-milano.htm

While only 3 of her 26 documented relationships are major league starting pitchers, I think the results are interesting and reasonably predictive in the event she reneges on her 2008 pledge to swear off dating baseball players.

Exhibit A: Carl Pavano (2003)
During their 2003 relationship, Pavano made 33 starts and posting 12 wins with a 4.30 ERA (33/12/4.30).  In 2004 after their breakup he improved dramatically to (31/18/3.00).  However this euphoria proved short lived, as Yankee fans can attest, and he regressed in 2005 to (17/4/4.77).

Exhibit B: Barry Zito (2004-05)
Zito’s dating numbers averaged (34.5/12.5/4.53), remarkably similar to Pavano’s.  After the breakup he also improved in 2006 to (34/16/3.83), nearly as big an improvement as Pavano’s.  What happened the year after?  You guessed it, regression to (33/11/4.53).

Exhibit C: Brad Penny (2006)
Penny’s dating year of 2006 was also an unspectacular (29/7/3.90).  He then experienced what I am now terming the Milano Bounce with a nice (33/16/4.33) and continued this into 2008 with a (33/16/3.03).  Because we are not using precise dates on the relationship, the numbers are only estimates but it appears Brad remained mentally strong for a longer period before succumbing to the inevitable Milano Meltdown with a 2009 line of (19/6/6.27).

Conclusions:
For GM’s and fantasy enthusiasts, the conclusions from a small but consistent sample size are: (1) expect mediocrity during the dating period, possibly related to distractions brought on by the newly smitten couple, (2) buy low as soon as a breakup is announced to take advantage of the Milano Bounce, and (3) sell high after one season to be safe before the predictable Milano Meltdown sets in.

It’s pretty clear she wasn’t withholding sex and making Exhibits A,B, and C wear women’s underwear while pitching.  If only Zito, Penny, and Pavano had seen that Bull Durham documentary.