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Monday, December 15, 2008
For your journey on the River StyxI'm sure I've linked to a story like this at some point over the past year, but I'll be damned if I can find it. Even if I have, it's worth linking to again, because silliness never goes out of style:
Leaving no merchandising stone unturned, Major League Baseball has authorized the use of team logos on a line of funeral caskets for people who want to carry their fandom unto eternity. Models for the Yankees (replete with interior pinstripes) and the Mets (with handles of mixed Dodger blue and Giant orange) went on sale at the Branch Funeral Home in Smithtown, Long Island.
These things cost five grand and feature team logos and everything. When I think about this stuff, I can't help but imagine some archaeologist finding one in 6,000 years and surmising that the interlocking N and Y formed some sort of religious symbol. Maybe he'd find one with a Boston logo and extrapolate some holy crusade between factions or something.
I'm a fan of cremation, so I think all caskets are kind of a waste, but these are particularly unreasonable. Still, I suppose there are worse ways for Yankee fans to spend their money. A.J. Burnett jerseys come to mind.
Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 6:27am
So here’s the scenario I am imagining in my mind. I am attending a funeral in central Ohio (insert city of choice) and as my wife and I are in line to pay our respects during the viewing I hear the following from some folks ahead of us in the line.
“I never knew John was such a big Michigan fan” person A states.
“Excuse me, what was that? John’s from Ohio there’s no way he’s a Michigan fan” person B responds.
“Well look at the lining of his casket - it’s maize and blue, has the Michigan logo on the interior and a listing of all their national championships on the side” person A say in an informative and slightly amused manner.
“Well that’s it - I’m outta here as I cannot pay any respect whatsoever to anything Michigan. John was a nice guy and all but apparently I didn’t know him all that well” person B respond increduously as he walks out of the line and heads toward the door.
As my wife and I approach the casket we hear, from direction of the parking lot, a faint but recognizable chant.
“We don’t give a damn about the whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan ... we’re from O H I O.” Punctuated by a loud “Go Bucks” and a car horn playing the fight song as tire squeel out of the parking lot.
Needless to say - I agree with Craig that this may be a wee bit over the top, not the best use of funds and another argument for the logic of cremation.
Posted 12/15 at 10:11 AM
Probably don’t have to worry about that ever happening, since the company that makes the caskets is located in Michigan anyway.
Posted 12/15 at 11:18 AM
Chris Jaffe said...
I can’t help but imagine some archaeologist finding one in 6,000 years and surmising that the interlocking N and Y formed some sort of religious symbol.
You say that like it’s an incorrect conclusion.
Posted 12/15 at 02:29 PM