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Shyster's Daily Circuit


Baseball. Blogging. Whenever.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Maybe the worst sports column ever

You're a newspaper columnist. You're on a deadline. You have to find something worthy of 800 words and you're stumped. What do you do? Why, you use a horriffic 18 year-long child abduction, rape and imprisonment as a hook for a rehashed "aren't those athletes just nutty" piece!

It doesn't sound as if Jaycee Dugard got to see a sports page. Box scores were not available to her from June 10, 1991 until Aug. 31 of this year. She never saw a highlight. Never got to the ballpark for Beach Towel Night. Probably hasn't high-fived in a while. She was not allowed to spike a volleyball. Or pitch a softball. Or smack a forehand down the line. Or run in a 5-footer for double bogey.

Now, that's deprivation

Can you imagine? Dugard was 11 when she was kidnapped and stashed in Phillip Garrido's backyard. She was 29 when she escaped. Penitentiary inmates at least get an hour of TV a day. Dugard was cut off from everything but the elements. How long before she fully digests the world she re-enters? How difficult to adjust to such cataclysmic change? More than that, who's going to explain the fact that there's a President Obama?

Dugard's stepfather says she's going to need a lot of therapy — you think? — so perhaps she should take a respite before confronting the new realities. So, Jaycee, whenever you're ready, here's what you've missed:

The writer, Mark Whicker of the OC Register, then proceeds to bullet point a couple dozen "oh, how times change" sports zingers. He ends the piece with what I guess is a pun of some kind: "Congratulations, Jaycee. You left the yard."

Classy, Whicker. Now please go die in a fire someplace so I can use it as a hook for a "who's hot, who's not" bit.

Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 12:55pm


Comments

Aarcraft said...

Brian, the comments are still there. The sad thing is, the comments over there are probably nicer than the stuff Craig gets over at NBC for daring to say something negative about Pete Rose or the Boston Red Sox/NY Yankees.

Posted 09/09  at  06:13 PM
Jason said...

This is pretty funny:

http://stupidsportsblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/jaycee-dugard-reacts-to-mark-whickers.html

Posted 09/09  at  06:22 PM
Will said...

I can’t believe that that got published, and I really can’t believe his responses to Greg Simons’ emails.

I can, if I try really hard, see that he might have meant the article in the way he claims: attempting to explain the length of her captivity in terms of how the world has changed. But to steadfastly refuse to see that everybody else in the world is interpreting it as trivializing the brutal treatment Ms. Dugard suffered is beyond all understanding.

What an abominable man. If the OC Register has any sense, they’ll suspend, or better yet sack, him and publish a front-page apology.

Posted 09/09  at  07:13 PM
Chris H. said...

That was very difficult to read.

Very, very difficult.

Posted 09/09  at  07:28 PM
SoSH U said...

This is pretty funny:

http://stupidsportsblog.blogspot.com/2009/09/jaycee-dugard-reacts-to-mark-whickers.html

I don’t see how that is that any better than Whicker’s garbage?

Posted 09/09  at  08:33 PM
sansho1 said...

SoSH U—you’re right, it isn’t.

Posted 09/09  at  08:39 PM
Krista said...

Copy of the email I sent:

Dear Mr. Whicker,

Wow.  I must tell you that the article you wrote trivializing the kidnapping and repeated rape of an 11 year old girl was revolting.  I would try to come up with a stronger word to describe how utterly offensive your article and subsequent “apology” were, but frankly, I’m not sure if the English language has such a word.  Certainly my thesaurus isn’t helping.

I have also seen as least one incident of correspondence—written by you, Mr. Whicker—that questions the sanity of someone who was offended at the disgusting article you wrote.  As a courtesy to you and your superiors, I have attached a png. file of the response in question.

Mr. Whicker, in order to show some class in this situation, I would recommend resigning immediately.  I wish you luck in finding future employment—perhaps in the mail room, where your incredibly offensive viewpoints are not shared with the public.

Yours most sincerely,

My Name

Posted 09/10  at  05:34 PM
Grant said...

Craig! You got mentioned on the AVClub! My sports blog reading and my non-sports blog reading got combined! Whatta day!

Posted 09/10  at  10:01 PM
Craig Calcaterra said...

Sweet!  My only regret was that it wasn’t in Dan Savage’s column.

Posted 09/10  at  10:05 PM
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