Baseball. Blogging. Whenever.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Just act like you belong


Rick Reilly makes trespassing sound so glamorous:

Now, the Phillies have just won, 4-3, when Lionel notices a 6'8" guy in a suit begin to walk down the aisle. Lionel figures the guy's important, so he slinks in behind him, through a gate and toward the Tampa dugout. Who's in there but Bud Selig, some suits and the World Series trophy, all of which are on the field a minute later for the presentation of hardware to Phillies boss David Montgomery. Which is weird, because the way Lionel is strutting around, you'd think he were the boss . . .

. . . And that's about when Chase Utley says to Jimmy Rollins: "Let's go celebrate!" And Lionel says exactly what you'd think he'd say, which is, "I'm with you guys!" So now Lionel is in the madhouse clubhouse, where he sees tubs of champagne and beer. Naturally, he chugs a beer. He has become a human Bud Light commercial . . . Now Lionel starts going lotto-champagne crazy, squirting multimillionaire athletes up the nose, in the eyes and down the shorts. He pours an entire bottle over the head of slugger Ryan Howard. Matt Stairs gives him a head butt. He kisses pitcher Jamie Moyer on the cheek and yells, "Thank you for everything!" And Moyer yells, "No, thank you!"

Despite the insane level of security we've purported to establish in this country since 9/11, I have always found it incredibly easy to get into places like government buildings and the like with ease. Why? Because I'm a bald guy who wears glasses and, quite often, a suit and tie. I look like I belong or, at the very least, I don't look threatening, and as a result people tend not to give me a second look or even insist on normal protocols being followed when I try to get in someplace. Sneaking, plans and schemes never work. Just walk confidently, use people's distaste for confrontation and their assumptions about race, gender, and perceived socioeconomic status against them, and it's smooth sailing. This Lionel fellow has that figured out.

In any event, a fellow by the name of Earnell Lucas is Major League Baseball's Senior Director of Security & Facility Management and is responsible for establishing and directing all of MLB's security policies, procedures and programs. He probably will be called into a meeting of some type tomorrow morning.
Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 10:44am

Monday, February 02, 2009

Today at THT


Only two comments about the Stupid Bowl:

1. The counter-programming award has to go to The Learning Channel, which ran the following shows during the game: "Forbidden Love: Polygamy"; "My Husband's Three Wives"; "Anatomy of Sex;" and "Mother Knows Sex." Yeah, they probably got trounced by both the game and the Puppy Bowl, but it's not for lack of trying.

2. I've never been that fond of the use of the word "speedball," but for as clunky as it is, I don't think I can ever forgive Springsteen for putting football lyrics in the first verse of "Glory Days" during the halftime show.

But that was last night. Today at THT:

  • Victor Wang has his second installment on valuing the draft, this time focusing on college vs. high school players. He fails to take into account, however, that you can't pound the Budweiser with high school draft picks, which takes away at least 40% of their value.


  • Evan Brunell has the week in transactions. There's always one in there that takes me by surprise. This time: the Mariners signed Mike Sweeney. Sweeney and I have a lot in common. We were both born in July 1973, we've both spent the entirety of our careers in backwaters, and neither of us have had a good year for a long damn time. I wish Mike well, as I'm sure he does me.


  • Finally, at Fantasy Focus, Derek Carty ponders when it's OK to draft a guy who's hurt or is likely to be. This article makes me feel so much better about taking Mike Hampton in the second round every year since 2003.


    • It has been a long, ugly football season (as they all are). But remember: if we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. If we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome. The football season is finally over. Pitchers and catchers report in less than two weeks. The world will make sense again soon.
    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 5:34am

    The Pirates are third


    Another fun day in Pirates land:

    The Pittsburgh Pirates made a candid and surprising admission: Not only are they perennially in last place in the NL Central, they've dropped into last in their own city.

    The Pirates rank third among the Steel City's three major sports franchises from a marketing and business perspective, team president Frank Coonelly said.

    There's no shame in being less popular than the beloved Pittsburgh Steelers, who are seeking an unprecedented sixth Super Bowl title on Sunday. But for a major league baseball team to acknowledge it has slipped behind an NHL team in its marketplace is nearly unprecedented, except perhaps in Canada.

    Obviously change the "are seeking" to "won."

    I don't know that this is as shameful as the tone of the article suggests. I mean really, I like to make fun of hockey as much as the next guy, but it is a major sport, the Penguins are good, and Sidney Crosby is a megastar. Sure, maybe they still wouldn't be eclipsing baseball if the Pirates have had even a semblance of a clue for the past decade+ -- the Penguins had Lemieux and a couple of Stanley Cups in the early 90s, and I don't think they were more popular than the Bonds-Bonilla Pirates -- but it's not a mortal insult to be less popular than a hot team with the game's hottest star on it.
    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 7:00am

    No one wants the Big Donkey?


    Dierkes rounds up all of the chatter about Adam Dunn. Upshot: no one is all that hot for him. Someone, however, is eventually going to sign this guy and get the biggest bargain of the offseason. Sure, his defense is reason for every NL to give pause, but that's the reason not to pay him, say, $13 million over years. For a one year deal south of $10 million, however? Sign me up, baby, because those 35-40 homers and all of those walks will cover a lot of ills with the leather. If Atlanta signed him right now I would be the happiest little Braves fan north of the Mason-Dixon line.
    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 8:00am

    The Red Sox’ Youth Movement


    It appears that Red Sox owner John Henry is adding a third trophy to the case:

    Red Sox owner John Henry is engaged to girlfriend Linda Pizzuti . . .

    . . . It will be the first marriage for Pizzuti, who has been dating the millionaire businessman since she was introduced to him last summer at Alibi, the bar at the Liberty Hotel. Henry, the 59-year-old founder of the Boca Raton-based investment firm John W. Henry & Co., has one daughter from his 14-year marriage to Peggy. He was also married once before.

    Pizzuti, 30, is from Lynnfield, and she and her family are in the real estate development business. She's been a near-constant companion of the Sox owner in recent months, traveling with him to Europe and hosting parties on his 164-foot yacht.

    According to my inside sources, Red Sox' advisor Bill James is furious that Henry would enter into a long term contract with someone over 30.

    (link via Pinto)

    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 8:30am

    Vicious cycle


    Courtesy of Joesph P. at River Ave. Blues is everything you ever wanted to know about the cratering of corporate sponsorships but were afraid to ask:

    The risk for the sports industry and those who follow it is that a collapse in sports sponsorships could cause a downward spiral similar to the housing and credit bubbles. For example, television broadcasters who rely heavily on advertising may be forced to stop bidding so aggressively for the rights to broadcast sporting events. These broadcast fees, together with sponsorships, make up a significant source of revenue for sports teams and leagues, so a substantial decline in these amounts would adversely affect the industry. Team owners are also feeling the squeeze personally, as the financial crisis has put a dent in their portfolios, and in the case of the owner of the New York Mets, Fred Wilpon, who invested a large portion of his wealth with his childhood friend, Bernard Madoff, such investments have been lost. In addition, media groups such as the Tribune Company, owner of the Chicago Cubs, have recently filed for bankruptcy. Teams that are unable to offer the highest salaries will be unable to attract the best players and without the best players, teams will have difficulty winning. Losing teams will have a more difficult time attracting sponsors. It is a vicious cycle that is bound to have a lasting effect on how the sports industry has been operating during this sports bubble, which could be the next bubble to burst.

    The kicker to all of this -- and the thing that pro sports and big media should really worry about -- is that an economic rebound is no guarantee of a sponsorship rebound. Why? Well, I'm no expert, but I have always suspected that such sponsorships weren't worth the money spent on them. I feel this way about most advertising, really, and suspect that if the numbers were really scrutinized, it would become apparent to most would-be advertisers. Such scrutiny hasn't come, however, because business has been more or less good and well, such sponsorships have been around so long that they are part of the corporate culture with executives just assuming that they are valuable.
    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 10:31am

    Don’t disrespect the dog


    Longtime ShysterBall readers know that I take hot dogs very seriously. I'm not a snob about them -- I'm cool with whatever is popular in whatever region I happen to be in -- but I am certainly someone who expects others to honor and respect hot dog culture for the wonderful thing that it is.

    The City of New York is not doing that when it comes to the new tourist-oriented banners its putting up all over the city:

    What got me started on this rant was a banner that I keep seeing, featuring a hot dog. I suppose it's intended to attract foodie tourists to the website. But where did that hot dog come from? It's clearly not the slender, natural-skin weenie for which New York is famous, from its cart-vended "dirty water dogs," to the esteemed products of Nathan's and Katz's.

    No, the picture on the banner is clearly a bulbous, fake-skinned ballpark-type frank, the kind that is eaten in the rest of the country. Moreover, the frank is smeared with mustard and ketchup. No sauerkraut. No sauteed onions. It's as if the artist had never seen a New York frank. I won't even go into the artistic qualities of the banner. Actually--yes, I will. This thing is an eyesore, with jarring colors and annoying graphics. And was a ballpark frank the most iconic New York food image they could come up with?

    The author himself has violated some code of professional hot dog ethics by making broad generalizations about the kind of hot dogs eaten in "the rest of the country," but his primary point stands.
    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 11:28am

    Don’t look back


    Chris Jaffe had the 50 best closer songs last week. This week: Geoff Young has the 71 worst.

    One quibble: Geoff includes "If you Leave" by OMD. I'll grant him that it's not exactly intimidating, but a San Diego guy like Young should know that OMD singer Andy McCluskey married himself a Coronado girl and owns a house on the island. I know this because my brother is squatting there. For real! His girlfriend is childhood friends with McCluskey's wife, so whenever the OMD family is in the U.K., my brother and his chick play Kato to their O.J. Best part: I was on the phone with my brother once, making fun of his benefactor for being a one hit wonder ("Hey Curt! You realize I can't play a note, but I'm still only one hit away from matching your buddy's track record!") when Curt put Andy on the phone. And get this: he actually used the "we're very big in Europe" line. I almost got a hernia I was laughing so hard. Imagine my embarrassment when I looked it up later and found out he was telling the truth. God, I hate the 80s.

    Well, I sorta lost my train of thought. All I'm saying is that it's gonna be really hard for the Padres to draw this year, so they should do a promotion called "Synth-pop Saturday" and have local boy McCluskey throw out the first pitch. I have it on pretty good authority that he's not too busy.
    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 12:58pm

    Comment of the Day


    For those of you who don't scroll down much, you may not have seen that I had a rare Sunday post yesterday. Subject: Rick Reilly's story about a guy who crashed the Phillies' World Series celebration. While I devoted most of the post to the notion that, if you look like you belong, you can get into a lot of places you shouldn't, I'll admit that when I first read Reilly's account, I wondered if someone was taking him for a ride. Why? Because we live in a pretty intense security environment these days and no matter how easy it is for me to get into a state office building, surely Major League Baseball paid greater attention to these things, right? It appears I wasn't the only one thinking that, as this comment from Ron Rollins makes clear:

    I have to question the fact that this actually happened. I used to work security for the Mariners, and the chances of this happening are slim to none.

    I had a badge, a uniform, and was licensed by the state, and there were still places I couldn’t go to without an escort or prior approval. Like the locker room, for one. There is security at every door, and someone checking badges. There is a pass list and someone from the club (known to all) who escorts and accounts for all personnel going in and out of anywhere. And the players are all well aware of who belongs and who doesn’t.

    As well as security roaming looking for anyone who doesn’t belong. And it’s easy to spot them.

    And no one just walks through a gate into the dugout. Have you ever seen the amount of police and security that ring the field for important games? Ain’t gonna happen.

    I’m calling bulls**t on this story.

    My understanding is that ESPN has about 137 layers of editors between the writer and the final product, so I find it hard to believe that anyone could actually pull off a hoax the sort Ron is alleging, even if someone was trying to sucker Reilly. That said, Ron makes a good point, and in light of it, I would like to have seen Reilly try to get a comment from the Phillies explaining the apparent security breakdown.
    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 2:00pm

    $17.5 million


    For Selig, that is. Despite the fact that his defense is worse than Adam Dunn's.

    Not that I'm going to be critical. Selig can be something of a buffoon who tends to bungle the high-profile stuff, but he has also presided over a very bountiful few years for Major League Baseball. It's quick and easy to compare his salary to Derek Jeter or Joe the schoolteacher's and act all outraged, but Bud is in the entertainment business. In light of that it would make much more sense to compare him to Robert Iger or the head of some other entertainment company. My guess is that his salary seems pretty reasonable against that backdrop.

    Posted by Craig Calcaterra at 3:32pm

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