Minnesota Ice

I love Joe Mauer, but I’m guessing he’s got no flow:

Joe Mauer is from Minnesota. He is white. He plays Major League Baseball. He is considered something of a pretty boy. None of these four things outlaws him from practicing his secret hobby. All of them combined into one 6-foot-5, sideburn-wearing, .400-flirting catcher, however, makes for the unlikeliest rapper in the history of rap.

“We know he loves it,” Minnesota Twins closer Joe Nathan says.

“He does it in a studio in his house,” Twins outfielder Michael Cuddyer says.

“I’ve heard stories,” outfielder Denard Span says. “I’ve heard he buries himself in the studio. But never heard the finished product with my own ears. Looking at him right now, I’m guessing it’s a cross between Vanilla Ice and Cypress Hill.”

When I started my new job back in February, I made one or two off the cuff comments about “Watchmen,” and suddenly I was transformed into the office comic book geek. Never mind that, aside from a handful of well-known graphic novels, I own virtually no comic books. For me it’s basically “Watchmen,” some assorted Batman stuff and that’s it. But when people don’t know your personal habits very well, they tend to latch onto the first semi-defining trait of which they hear. I mentioned a comic book, so I’m the comic book guy, and that’s just how it kind of goes in offices. Which is one of the many reasons why you don’t even joke about some crap at work.

This strikes me as one of those deals. Mauer probably had one too many Sheep Head Ales, beatbox into a tape recorder, and the rest is somewhat inaccurate history.

(thanks to YankeeFanLen for the link)

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  1. Craig Calcaterra said...

    Yeah, but if I’m gonna be a nerd, I want my specific flavor of nerdom to be recognized.

    Or is that nerdy in and of itself?

  2. Paul said...

    Gotta go back about a week for this but,

    Maybe if Mauer refines his flow enough he can hook up with Wu-Tang and really fill out their roster – it would allow Ghostface to move to right field…

  3. David said...

    If everybody who read ‘Watchmen’ is a “geek” (a pretentiously self-deprecating term I think people use on themselves to try to make themselves look cool without letting other people know they’re trying to make themselves look cool) then I think that probably 50% of the population could be lumped in with D&D players and Trekkies as “geeks”.

    (‘Course, if you watch the piece of crap movie more than once, which, contrary to reports by idiot showbiz hacks, was nothing like the beautiful, unspeakable masterpiece of a comic book, then your claim to “geekdom” is revoked.)

    RE: Joe Mauer.  Ambiguously Gay Baseball Reporter Tom Verducci, ironically, wrote a cover story for SI which – although I did not read it – seemed interested in portraying Joe Mauer as your prototypical beer guzzlin’, trucker hat wearin’ good ol’ boy.  Wonder if Verducci learned of Mauer’s rapping but tried to hide it because it conflicted with the (fake) picture of Mauer he was trying to paint.

  4. kendynamo said...

    yeah but didnt you also borrow all 10 collected trade paperbacks of Y: The Last Man from your local library? 

    and if everyone already considers you the comic book guy you might as well assume the part.  lots of dope reading materal to tap in to.

  5. Craig Calcaterra said...

    Good point, Ken.  But is “Y” really geeky anymore?  Hurley was reading one of those on an episode of “Lost” this year.  It has to be sorta mainstream, right . . .

    /further denial

  6. YankeesfanLen said...

    BTW, Mauer will be a free agent after next year.  When does Jorge’s contract expire?

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