Sidney Ponson the victim of a cruel hoax

They claim that Sir Sidney tested positive for a stimulant:

Kansas City Royals pitcher Sidney Ponson tested positive for a stimulant during the World Baseball Classic and has been banned from international competition for two years.

Major League Baseball will not suspend Ponson. Under the drug rules, he will be treated as a first-time offender and is subject to a medical review and fine.

The 32-year-old Ponson pitched well for the Netherlands last March in the WBC and later signed with Kansas City. He is 1-5 with a 7.27 ERA for the Royals, and is currently on the disabled list because of a strained right elbow.

The International Baseball Federation said Ponson tested positive for Phentermine, a stimulant and appetite suppressant.

Someone obviously spiked his urine sample, because there’s no way Sidney Ponson has ever been on an appetite suppressant in his life. Stimulants also cause increased physical activity, and there’s no evidence of that with him either.

The only non-natural substances in Ponson’s pee-pee are Yoo-Hoo and failure. If I were him, I’d demand an investigation immediately.

(link via Jason)

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  1. JK said...

    This might be a dumb question, and I should have asked it on the Soto thread, but if the WBC is only played every 3 years, what does a 2 year suspension do? Isn’t it like a 4 game suspension on a starting pitcher?

  2. Aaron Moreno said...

    Heh, I took phentermine just a few minutes ago. Trust me, it isn’t performance-enhancing. The worst thing about it is that you have to super-hydrate.

  3. Ralph said...

    Sorry Craig, but you got one aspect of this story wrong. Failure is a natural substance in Ponson’s body, success appears to have been synthetic.

  4. Pylon said...

    “Ha ha!  Look at the fat guy try to improve himself!  And even though I’ve never taken a big league mound, I’m going to make fun of him for being one of lucky few to pitch in the bigs, and way better than me, but not the best of the best.”

    You’re a dick.

  5. Wells Oliver said...

    “The only non-natural substances in Ponson’s pee-pee are Yoo-Hoo and failure.”

    OK that is +10 funny and +10 cruel. I’m noting this line and I’m planning to steal it at some point.

  6. Grant said...

    And Pylon wins the No Sense of Humor Award for June!

    Seriously, the argument that you can’t mock someone for being bad at his job just because you lack the physical skills is a tired one. Sidney Ponson has made $23 million over the course of being 10% below-average (90 career ERA+) in a decade of big-league ball. He’s a fair target.

    Now, if you wanted to take Craig to task for making the easy and obvious joke that’s been made before a thousand times, I think you’d be perfectly justified.

  7. Pylon said...

    Grant -

    No sense of humor?  Maybe because it’s not funny.

    Seriously, this is a mean spirited attack on a guy who has had plenty of issues over the years.  More importantly, it has no fantasy relevance, and is posted specifically to make fun of the guy. 

    That, I believe, is the textbook definition of a dick move.

  8. Dan Greer said...

    Pylon: Sidney is worthy of ridicule and contempt not because he is fat, but because he a) assaulted a judge, and b) has (2) DWIs on his record. He was a top prospect who consistently disappointed, and you have to think his lifestyle may have contributed to that.

    I found it funny, considering who it is.

  9. Craig Calcaterra said...

    Pylon—this is not a fantasy blog, so I fail to see why anything I write has to have fantasy relevance.

    As for Ponson’s issues you mention: they almost all stem from his failure to keep himself in shape despite being paid millions to do so and his choice to abuse alcohol and treat his teammates like ass at multiples stops.  That he is now making the news for using banned substances that easily lend themselves to abuse and addition gives neither him nor his surrogates much of a case for sympathetic treatment.

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