If I were a millionaire philanthropist I’d pretty much become Batman, because — well, just because. Batman is cool, and if I have to explain it to you you’re beyond help. Of course, that gig is already taken, so I’d specialize: I’d only take cases and mete out black-caped vigilante justice to people who mess with baseball. Stuff like this:
[Joe] Easter is offering a $5,000 reward to anyone who can help law enforcement arrest the people responsible for stealing precious items from his Kingston home on the 5600 block of Ohio 180.
One of the valuables taken was his dad’s autographed Cleveland Indians baseball.
Easter’s dad suffered from polio when he was a child and was hospitalized for a long time. The general manager of the 1952 Cleveland Indians, Hank Greenberg, heard about Easter’s father’s condition and decided to get a ball signed by the players, which he personally delivered to him while he was in the hospital.
I wouldn’t take the reward, though. I’d donate it to the Jimmy Fund or something and then disappear into the night.